One Night
by EmilyMarie15
Summary: Dear one-night stand,I just realized I left my favorite bra on your floor. Sincerely, awkward phone call. -Bella doesn't always remember things, especially when she's drunk. AH. One Shot. Lemon-ish. M. ExB


**Disclaimer: Any recognizable material is not mine. I just like to take it and twist it into something that gives me pleasure and makes people wonder what the hell I was thinking. Enjoy.**

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><p>~*!*~<p>

_Dear one-night stand,_

_I just realized I left my favorite bra on your floor._

_Sincerely, awkward phone call._

~*!*~

"Bella, get up, we're going clubbing!"

"Ugh, leave me alone Alice."

"Stop your wallowing. Who cares if Jake broke up with you?"

"Um… me?"

"Well no one else does. He was a douche times two."

"Times two? Alice how much have you been drinking today?"

"Why does it matter? It's five o'clock somewhere chicka."

"It's eight o'clock."

"All the more reason to drink!"

"Alice…"

"Come on!"

I watch my hyper friend bounce around my room, pulling out clothes. I know she hasn't been drinking yet tonight. We share an apartment and when she drinks, she gets loud; louder than this if you can believe it. No, Alice is just more hyper than the Energizer bunny on crack. Unlike the Energizer bunny, though, she gets like this with out the crack.

"Put this on, now," Alice says, pulling me out of bed and shoving a garment into my hands. Yes hands; not arms. That in it self should symbolize that it's barely going to cover anything.

"Do I have to?" I ask, stripping out of my sweatpants and tee.

"Yes, because you, my friend, are getting laid tonight."

"Getting laid?"

"Yes, Bella, it's this little thing that happens when a boy and a girl-"

"I know what it is!"

"Oh touchy," she says, handing me a pair of really high stilettos. I look at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Bella, as uncoordinated as you think you are, trust me, you're not," she says, leading me into the bathroom and starting to do my hair and make up. For the first time I actually notice that she's all ready.

"You knew I'd cave," I state.

"Sure did, home skillet," she says, whipping out the hair curler.

"Don't wave that thing around," I say, flinching away when it comes a bit too close to my ear.

"Stop your complaining," Alice says. I sigh and hold still. I have a feeling this is going to take awhile.

~*!*~

"Pixie!" a tall, burly man exclaims when we walk in the front door. He's up on stage, doing something with wires.

"Pixie?" I ask Alice. She may be small, but pixie?

"It's my stripper name," she says with a wink before pulling me through the crowd to the stage.

"How ya doing Emmett?" Alice asks when we get over there. The guy jumps down off the stage and gives Alice a hug.

"Who's this?" he asks, looking at me and smiling warmly. He's not nearly as intimidating as he appears.

"This is my friend, Bella," Alice says. "Bella this is Emmett, he's the dj. Speaking of which… where is the music?"

"Calm yourself, Alice; we had a small technical difficulty. It's fixed now. No thanks to that cowboy," Emmett says before getting back on stage and behind the dj booth. Alice doesn't even notice, she's too busy staring at a tall, blonde man behind the bar. He's wearing a cowboy hat and grinning at us.

"Come meet Jasper," Alice says, dragging me toward the bar. She's doing a lot of that tonight. Dragging me places, that is.

"Oh so that's Jasper," I say, as we get closer to the bar.

About a week before my break up with Jake, Alice started talking about someone named Jasper and what an amazing 'Southern gentleman' he is. After the break up, when I was drowning in Ben & Jerry ice cream, she still talked about him. She swore it was only so she could prove there are better men in the world than Jake.

"Hey, Jazz, this is my friend Bella," Alice says.

"Howdy, Miss. Bella, what can I get for you?" Jasper asks and I melt in my stilettos. Seriously, that accent is amazing. Now I understand why Alice couldn't shut her mouth.

"Get her a martini; one for me too," Alice says.

"Uh, no thanks, I'll have a shot of vodka and a Sam Adams."

"Coming up," Jasper says, with a smile.

"Jeez, Bella," Alice says. I roll my eyes and look at her.

"Hey, if I'm getting laid tonight, I'm also getting wasted," I say.

"I like the sound of that," an unmistakable voice says behind me. I turn around and see Rosalie standing there, already holding a drink.

"Rose!" I exclaim. I haven't seen her all week; granted I've been holed up in my room for the majority of said week.

"Finally decided to come have some fun, eh?" she asks; the Canadian part of her taking over at the end and making me giggle.

"Yes, she did," Alice says, wrapping an arm around my waist and giving me a squeeze.

"Well anyways, what were you saying about getting laid, Rose?" I ask, before I have to have some therapy session about my break up.

"I already have him picked out," she says, staring across the sea of people, directly at Emmett.

"You've had your eyes on him since the first time we came in here. You're never going to make a move," Alice teases.

"Like you with Jasper?" Rose asks.

"I have made a move. Jasper and I are going on a date tomorrow," Alice says.

"We sure are," Jasper says, coming over with our drinks. Alice jumps and her hand flies to her chest.

"Dear Lord, you scared the shit out of me, Jasper!" she exclaims, taking her drink and chugging. Rose and I laugh and Jasper just smirks and walks down the bar to take the order of some other people.

"So anyways, who are you going for, Bella?" Rose asks me.

"Don't know," I say, looking around. The lights are pretty dim and the people are dancing close. I can only distinguish people on the outside of the crowd.

"Well, drink up, I'm going to get my 'dance freak' on," Alice says, patting my shoulder and heading for the floor. I throw back my shot and signal for another from Jasper.

"Oh, hello, is that a mirror in your pocket, 'cause I can see myself in your pants," Rose says, staring at Emmett. I try not to choke on my beer.

"So who did you come with tonight, Rose?" I ask. She never comes to a club alone.

"My cousin is visiting from England."

"Oh, I like the sound of that."

"Yeah, too bad he didn't bring a friend."

"What about Emmett?"

"If it weren't for him I'd be on the next plane to England to find me my personal Orlando Bloom."

"I kind of prefer Johnny Depp."

"We're all men of our words really. Except Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman," Jasper says, walking over with several shots in his hands.

"You really are a catch," Rose says, giving him the once over.

"Just trying to charm my girl's friends so they like me; I brought an extra shot for ya, looked like you might want it," he says, before leaving again.

"Oh, I like him," I say.

"Lucky, Alice," Rose says.

"Well, you have a potential man, right over there," I say.

"True… thanks, Bella, I'm gonna go work my magic," Rose says before walking off. I watch her walk around the crowd of dancers and stop right near the dj booth. She's found Alice and they dance together. Emmett seems to look at them; a lot.

"To guys being jerks," I say, not to anyone particular before I drink the next shot. It doesn't burn as much as the first. _That means you haven't had enough,_ the voice in my head says. Ah yes, drink until you can't feel it. Good advice, voice.

"Not all guys are jerks," some one says. I look over into deep green eyes.

"They are in my experience," I say, finishing my beer and making eye contact with Jasper so he'll know I need another. I swear I see him laugh before he turns to get it for me.

"How so?" the man asks.

"They just are," I say, drinking my third shot of the night. What I need, is a bucket.

"Bella, you're wanted on the dance floor," Emmett's voice booms from the speakers, momentarily interrupting the music. I look back and Rose and Alice are standing on the stage, waving me over. I grab my drink and make my way toward them. By the time I get there, I've finished my beer and left it on an empty table cluttered with glasses.

"Belly Button, dance!" Alice says, climbing off the stage and dragging me toward the crowd. Rose stay up there a moment longer, whispering something in Emmett's ear before she comes down with us.

"Did you know Jasper can quote Pirate of the Caribbean?" I ask, when Alice stops in the middle of the mass of people.

"Of course," she says. Rosalie is back with us and we start to dance. 'Tik Tok' by Kesha turns on. Emmett does a really cool mash up of it and 'Take It Off'. I feel the alcohol in my body starting to take hold of me. I'll need more if I'm actually going to 'get laid' as Alice says.

"I need another drink," I say.

"No, Belly Button, don't go!" Alice says, but I walk away and they actually come with me. We spend at least an hour at the bar, talking with each other and occasionally with Jasper.

"I swear to drunk I'm not God," Alice says awhile later. Rose and I crack up laughing like that's the funniest thing we've ever heard.

"That's funny, Ali," I say.

"I… uh, read it somewhere… once. Always wanted to say it," she says, giggling and making goo-goo eyes at Jasper.

"Let's dance!" I cheer, grabbing Rose's hand and walking toward the crowd of people.

"Show me your teeth!" Rose cheers.

We sway to the voice of Gaga. Probably looking like total sluts. I take a step back and find myself pressed against some one. I wonder if it's Rose but I don't see her anymore. Not until I feel hard cock pressed against me do I realize it can't be Rose. I grin and grind.

_Grin and grind, that sounds funny,_ the voice in my head snickers.

The man's hands hold my waist, pulling me close to him. I turn myself around and look up at him. It's the man from the bar; the man with green eyes.

"Surprised to see me?" he asks. Holy mother of God! I'm drunk but not too drunk to recognize a British accent when I hear one.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull out my 'bag-o-tricks'. _Bag-o-tricks… am I a magician? _I feel how hard he is and I groan.

"Let me buy you a drink," he says later on. I don't know how long we've danced for. When we sit at the bar he pulls out a pen and writes something on my arm as I order my drink from Jasper.

_Or is his name 'Woody'? He's wearing a cowboy hat…_

"What's this?" I ask, holding up my arm and staring at the cluster of numbers.

"My mobile," he says. I giggle and smile at him.

"I like you accent," I say.

"I like your ass," he responds slyly.

"I'm Bella," I say.

"Edward," he says.

~*!*~

"Oh God," I groan, sitting up in bed.

"Someone's hung over!" Alice chirps, from my doorway.

"And you're not?" I ask; her face falls for a moment.

"Totally am, but that's not ruining the fact that I have a date tonight. What about you… did ya get laid last night?"

"Erm… yeah."

"Holy enchilada, you did!"

"Yep."

"So… why are you here? Or is he under the bed?" Alice asks, coming in and looking under my bed, only to find the random mess of things that have made their way under there and been forgotten.

"One night stand, stupid," I say.

"Yeah, but don't you usually just leave the next morning and never call back?"

"We had a mutual agreement."

"Huh?"

"We both just wanted sex."

"So did you do it in the bathroom at the club?" Alice asks.

"No, I think we were at his friend's apartment. I forget. He said something about staying with a friend."

"Oh."

"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get myself a cup of cranberry juice."

I get out of bed and my head spins. I pause a moment and when the floor is flat again I walk to the kitchen. Alice follows behind me, stopping only to scoop up our kitten, Jack; Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah, that's his name, sue us.

"So I was thinking we could have a Lord of the Rings marathon today, considering we're both recovering from being insanely hammered," I say, pouring my juice and scratching Jack behind the ears.

"No can do, Bella-boo. Didn't you hear? I have a date with Jasper tonight," Alice says.

"Oh yeah," I say, as my fantasy of watching all three 'LOTR' movies falls apart.

"You could call Rose," Alice suggests.

"Ali you're a genius!" I exclaim. I run into my room and call Rose.

~*!*~

"Alice, have you seen my favorite bra!" I yell, down the hall.

"Nope!" she responds.

I'm getting dressed to go to Rose's apartment. She was very enthusiastic about roughly ten hours of Orlando Bloom. However, the ten hours won't be happening until I can get dressed.

"Are you sure you haven't seen it?" I ask Alice again. Jack patters in and purrs at me before jumping onto my bed and curling up on my pillow.

"It's the one with the blue bow, isn't it?" Alice asks.

"Yes."

"Didn't you wear it last night?"

"Oh yeah I think I… fuck."

~*!*~

"Just call him," Rose says as she pours our popcorn into a large bowl.

"Do you realize how awkward that would be?" I ask, stuffing a handful into my mouth.

"His number is on your arm. If he just wanted sex, he wouldn't have given you his number."

"But I just wanted sex!"

"Isabella Marie Swan, you call him right now."

"Fine," I groan, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I hear Rose's door open and she grins.

"Ah my cousin's back from the grocery store. Don't worry; I made him get ice cream. Although, he said he would only get it if we let him watch the movies with us," Rose rambles.

"Yeah… yeah," I mutter, pressing send and crossing my fingers.

"I'm back Rosie!" her cousin calls.

"What's happening home slice?" Rose asks. I stare at the wall as Edward's phone rings. Part of me wants him to answer, because I love that bra. The other part of me is praying that he won't answer.

"Oh hold on, Rose… hello?" Rose's cousin says, but I ignore him because Edward picked up his phone.

"Uh yes, Edward… this is Bella, how are you?" I twirl a strand of my hair, not sure how to spit this out.

"Good…" Edward says slowly. I glance at Rose and she has the oddest look on her face. She's looking behind me and then at me. I turn my head to see what has caught her interest and gasp.

"Holy crap," I say.

"Bella?" Edward, Rosalie's _cousin_, says as he stands there, two feet away from me.

"Oh snap," Rose says. I hang up my phone and bury my face in a couch cushion. I peek back up; hoping it'll be a mirage and Rose's cousin isn't Edward.

"Edward," I say, looking at him and accepting that he's here. I want to run out of there like the place is burning down.

"Hi," he says. It sounds like he feels as awkward as I do about this.

"I uh, was calling because I realized I left my bra at your apartment. But I guess it's really just here. So, I'll go get it," I say, quickly getting off the couch and running to the guest room. I shut the door behind me and quickly assess the situation.

How did I not see it before? Edward's British accent and how Rosalie had said she was with her cousin who was visiting from England. When we came to Rose's apartment and Edward said he was staying with a friend. Was I really too drunk to notice? How about the fact that the apartment was in the same building as my own and that's how I even managed to get home? I blame Alice for this. It was her idea to take me clubbing. I blame Jasper too; he's the one who should've cut me off from the booze.

"Bella?" Edward asks, knocking on the door and coming in. I look up from my seat on the bed. Edward chuckles a little, bends over and picks up my bra. He tosses it to me and I catch it.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"Don't be embarrassed," he says, taking a seat next to me.

"I'm so stupid!" I exclaim.

"No, I'm stupid. Rose pointed you out to me when you and Alice got to the club. She said you were her friend. By the time we got back here I was so pissed that I didn't even connect the dots that you were her 'friend' and her 'friend, Bella'."

"So we both just fucked up."

"Yep."

"Yep."

We sit there for a moment, staring at the opposite wall. Neither of us asking what happens now.

"So do you wanna?" Edward asks, turning and looking at me, shyly.

"Yes," I say eagerly and he catches my face in his hands and presses his mouth against mine. It turns out that sex with Edward somber, is even better than sex with Edward drunk.

~*!*~

Edward and I are living together now. Our relationship sort of just happened. We never defined what we were until a month after we met. We were back at the club and Jake showed up. He tried getting with me. He seemed pretty drunk, especially when he started sucking on my neck and grabbing my ass. He was never one for PDA.

That's when Edward stepped in and punched him. "Back off," he said. Jake looked shocked, not many people mess with him considering how tall he is.

"She never said 'stop'," Jake slurred.

"I actually did," I said quietly. The music had turned off and I noticed Emmett pushing his way over. Jasper was standing close by too.

"She's my girlfriend, and I say 'stop'," Edward said, he punched Jake again and Jake actually ran out. He didn't put up a fight or anything. I think his tough guy attitude was an act. No one had ever messed with him before, so he never knew what a real fight was like.

After that Edward took me in his arms and didn't let me go all night. So that confirmed we were a couple. A month later Alice was kicking me out so Jasper could move in with her; so I went to live with Rose. When Emmett leased the apartment across the hall from us, she quickly jumped ship, leaving Edward and me alone. It's been a year since she moved in with Emmett.

"Bella, you want some waffles?" Edward asks.

"Shush," I say, as I walk into the kitchen holding our sleeping son Anthony.

"He has to wake up anyways, Bells, it's morning," Edward says, stroking Anthony's little head.

"But he's so cute when he sleeps," I say. So maybe Anthony wasn't planned. From our calculations we think he actually happened that first night we slept with each other.

Considering how wrong things could've gone for us, our future is looking pretty bright. We're getting married in a month, and we have our little Anthony. We're happy together. I stopped blaming Alice and Jasper. If it weren't for them I wouldn't have been drunk out of my mind or even at the club that night. They joke that they planned it like that. Neither Edward nor I care if they did or didn't though. All that matters is that we're together now. And that I got my bra back. That matters a lot, too.

_The End_

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><p><strong>So how was it, guys? Awesome? Terrible? Just plain stupid? I've had this idea running through my head for awhile now, so I just had to write it.<strong>

**~EM~**


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